*Online Dating and Unrealistic Expectations

Online Dating and Unrealistic Expectations

Countless people using online dating have a lengthy list of complaints.  When you finally manage to schedule a date with someone, they don’t turn out like you expected. And let’s face it, most of the time this feeling is accompanied by disappointment.

Here are some common examples of disappointment:

• He/She is  older in person than their photos portrayed
• Email communication was great,  but complete opposite when meeting
• Her profile said she works out 5+ times per week, but her idea of fitness ONLY walking the dog, not the ass-kicking jujitsu classes you’re obsessed with attending
• He / She seemed so interesting, but in person you felt no chemistry

Most people who use online dating have experienced this. The controversy between expectations and reality throws off many an online dater. Part of the problem is that deception is a common problem in online dating – people may post photos that don’t represent what they look like today, or they may lie about height, weight, age, or income. However, in many cases, the person you meet isn’t what you expected.  Yes, they’ve they deceived you…..

But what hurts most are your unrealistic expectations.

Managing expectations is a HUGE component in online dating success. Many of the online dating-related complaints stem from expectations that are too idealistic. And one way we inadvertently raise our expectations too high is to expect people to closely resemble our perceptions of who you think they are. Do not fret, these expectations are a subconscious process.  Many develop an attraction to a photo or form an impression of who a person is based on their profile.  They offer up a few details, and we fill in the blanks, because we have attraction.  And when that person fails to live up to this mental image, it can be very disconcerting.

What can you do about this?

Lower your expectations. Accept right off the bat that no matter how honest people are in their online dating profiles; their real-life persona will often surprise you. Why is this?

• § Photos Only Show So Much

People most often don’t look exactly like their photographs. A photo is a 2-dimensional representation of a human being, capturing the mood, setting, attire, hair, and lighting from a mere moment in time. Think about all the photos you have of yourself: some are great, some are awful, and most are average. Chances are, you pick the best ones to post online. And so does everyone else.

• § Writing Is Hard

Most people aren’t professional writers. It’s a rare person who can capture the essence of who they in a profile.  . In fact, most people struggle with this and create write-ups that are generic and filled with excessive wording, or useless information.   So really read the profile, it may in fact tell you a little something about this person.

• § Emails Aren’t Real Conversations

You can ascertain a bit more information from emailing or instant messaging someone, but you still won’t get a fraction of what you’ll learn about them in person. Some people are timid and flat over email, but a completely different individual in person.  . Others are quite the writer over email, but have very little to say in person.

Keep in mind that people are multi-dimensional and profiles are just written words.  Yes, when you’re browsing, go ahead and take a look at the photos, and actually read the about me.   If things don’t seem to add up, move on. If you find someone even a little attractive or interesting, and you learn that they feel the same way about you, set up a meeting. Go into the meeting with an open mind. Actually note the person who winds up sitting across from you, the real human being in all their multifaceted magnificence. Go into the meeting with as little expectations as possible.  Worst case is He or She may not wind up being your type, but who cares? Remember, that you put yourself out there, you made a connection with a real person, and eventually one of those real people will work out.  And what you could end up with will be a wonderful new part of your life.